i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
