So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
