I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Im part way to drunk.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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