upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you win again, gameday.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
