I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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