What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
