She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
True strength comes from lack of pants
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
