spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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