whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
