last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
