I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Randomize
