I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
