her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
