please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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