i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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