I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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