just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
