fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
