There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Welp...herpes.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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