Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
