Can i not drive my cunt home
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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