btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
