ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
