there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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