As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
