do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
