We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
