K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
