Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
