did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
