so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
