i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
