oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
