Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize