Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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