Having a random hookup so left but love u
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
