she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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