Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
