I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize