wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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