Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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