i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just high enough for therapy.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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