im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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