chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
