my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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