he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize