You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
