So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
