For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
