she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
