did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
