I skipped work to stalk him.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
