I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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