there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
