Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
