i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
