I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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