oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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