I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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