It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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