I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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