So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
