my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
