he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
