I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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